Health and dis-ease

Before there were antioxidants, there were berries.  And, in my taste buds, they were (and are) a delight to the palate.  Yes, there is a quote from some olde English dude about strawberries doubtless being the zenith of God’s berry creations, but I will vote for all the berries.  I recently stumbled upon a recipe for a fruit tart using blueberries, raspberries (red), and blackberries.  The magazine in which this gem rested touted all the antioxidant properties of the three featured fruits.  But you and I know what is really important:  they taste fantastic!  Add a little lemon zest and you have a killer dessert which makes you supremely glad to be alive!

I am on the sidelines watching 2 divorces play out.  One is the neighbors across the street; the other is a child of a dear friend.  I feel bad for the friend – her immediate nuclear family had been untouched by this challenge and it goes hard for her.  The neighbor’s case, I’m sorry, annoys me. 

I have endured a divorce which was nasty for much of the time.  I do not relish re-experiencing divorce vicariously.  Regardless of the wrongs which ultimately may be righted by the re-arrangement of the parties, the experience of the divorce process can be detrimental to one’s health.

Of the many bits of advice in the plethora of self-help-during-divorce books I read, one bit of information that stuck with me was the difference in “timelines” that the parties have.  The “dumper” is about 18 months ahead of the “dumpee,” according to the experts.   They say that the dumper has struggled with the issues and come to the conclusion that there is NO hope to resolve major problems. On the other hand, the dumpee is aware of problems but feels that this is just a rough patch and has every expectation that they will get through it. Therefore, when one person declares it is all over, the other is blindsided.

Summer seems to bring out the band concerts – at public museums, community celebrations, and holidays.  Often, the offerings are outside and free.  (I must explain that I am speaking as someone who lives in a 4-season locale, so outside winter music is pretty much limited to Christmas caroling.)  In 1697, William Congreve wrote: “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast” which I will translate to 2009-speak as “Music is a stress-buster.”  Therefore, music performers are healers.  So, scour your local area for freebie concerts.  Check your Art on the Avenue nights, First Sundays for Families, 4^th of July, even the local high school’s marching band camp.  I am sure you will score something good!

Extreme Anger with Sovereign Bank and Banco Santander, S.A.

Perhaps ranting will get some of the angst and bad energy out of my system.  (I certainly hope so.)   A bonus would be that persons considering using either of these banks are fore-warned.

I have chosen to use a hyphenated last name.  This has been in effect for close to twenty years.  My last name is BOTH names.   My “last name initial” is the first letter of the first of those names.  On the whole, credit card companies and employers, actually the whole world, deal with it rather competently.

Last week my partner and I went to a Sovereign Bank branch to execute financial papers.  My name was incorrect.  Unbelievable.  The papers had the first of my last names as a middle initial.  The *&^s (choose an expletive noun you like for these symbols;  as for me, I am going with a group of people who commit atrocious acts against parents of the female persuasion) re-created me as someone with only one last name.  And it was not my birth last name.

I have NEVER used that name in my life.  It is not an alias.  It is not even a remote possibility.  It is a *&^-ing travesty.  Therefore, we asked the kindly clerk who works at the branch and had no complicity in the error if the documents could be corrected.  She said yes and put the work order in place.

Today, my partner and I went to that same branch to execute the papers. Sadly, due to time pressures and deadlines,  today had to be a “go.”  I could see by reading upside-down,  that the wrong name remained on the bank documents.  I uttered, “They still have my name WRONG!”   The clerk tried to mollify me and showed us that some of the forms had a new twist.   Within the heap of papers to be signed, a few (only a few) had my real name BUT…….  It was listed as a *&^-ing ALIAS!   I had to sign twice – the *&^-ing fake name and my real name.

 I am calming down enough to gain some perspective.  No – I have not been disabled.  No – I am not a concentration camp survivor.  No – the people I love have not been hurt.  But, I know who I am and what I am called.  And Sovereign Bank (owned by Banco Santandor, S.A.) has really *&^-ed up.

This may be a pillar in my Rx for a very healthy life.  At the very least, I think a good “lying in,” as my British friends would say, once a week can do a great deal of good.  Most Americans who work full-time [this includes full-time stay-at-home parents] do not get enough sleep.  A once a week catch-up could be a necessity, rather than an indulgence.  Of course, when the work week resumes one then has the challenge of returning to the before-dawn wake up time after luxuriating in dreamland for a few extra hours.  However, I feel that the benefits gained to one’s health and well-being far outweigh the readjustment “shock.”

Neuro-Linguistic Programming, extremely simply put, asserts that what you say is what you create for yourself.  The cognitive therapy branch of psychology similarly works on the premise that thoughts precede (and create) feelings.   People who recite affirmations are also in sync with these theories.

Therefore in accordance with these concepts, positive, happy thoughts should promote health and mental predictions of doom and gloom will create misery and dis-ease.

While I believed these to be true, I mostly believed them with my head only.  Amazingly I recently had the theory brought home to me somatically.

My partner is a curmudgeon.  There is no other way to describe him.  So, in the past, when people would ask me how he is doing, my reply was “He’s a pain in the Butt.”  I said this to indicate that he was a constant annoyance, but not causing a heartbreak.  Well, happily I did not talk myself into any cardiac problems.  On the contrary I talked myself into a very bizarre rash.  I’ll give you ONE guess where.

Needless to say, this lesson was well-learned.  While dealing with the symptoms, I ceased all attribution to anyone of any pains anywhere in my body.  Now I do not hand over to anyone, including myself, the power to cause problems.  Those sorts of utterances are no longer in my life.  Hopefully, you can learn from my experiences instead of going through it yourself.

It is horrifically sad that a father reportedly killed his two-and-a-half-year-old son because he owed $4,000 of child support.

The atrociousness of this murder is exponentially compounded by the fact that this is not a novel event.  Each year parents, step-parents, babysitters, foster parents, and grandparents are found guilty of willful or negligent murder of children in their care.

Where is the country’s value system?  Why do we test people to see if they can correctly cut hair or draft a deed, but we totally “trust” something – I don’t know what – to insure that a wee human being will be nourished, nurtured, and protected by his parents.  What insanity!

The biological capacity to make a baby does NOT automatically endow the parents with the skills to raise it.   One may counter that there are mandated reporters to watch for abuse and then agencies in place to intervene, should it be deemed necessary.  If one further attempts to assert that these adequately manage the problem, this is not so.

Pre-parental training and testing is overdue.

Anyone who has worked with urban children – sorry, but the generalization holds true – has certainly seen examples of children not being treated well at home.  It happens in the suburbs, to be sure, but there, families make supreme efforts to cover it up.  I maintain that the most important “parent work” happens from birth to age four or five.  Therefore, by the time the children get to kindergarten in public school, if poor parenting existed, then profuse damage has resulted.

The sin may be one of commission, but more frequently is that of omission.  Neglect.  Failure to act.  Examples include failure to talk to the child, to teach him or her language.  Failure to take the child for routine health and dental exams.  Failure to raise her in a safe environment – free from noxious insects, vermin, filth.  Failure to provide consistency in correction or in personal security.  Failure to provide clean clothing.  Stimulation.  Enough sleep.  Running water, heat, and working plumbing.  Much of these situations exist despite available remedies through public assistance and human service programs.

I am not referring to rural Appalachia in the United States.  No, I am referring to almost every city with a measurable population in poverty and more deviously in the suburbs.  If this is difficult to accept, check the local city codes department for the sorts of violations cited in inhabited urban dwellings.  When it happens in the suburbs, excuses or reasons will be offered.  However, wherever it occurs, the damage to a child’s psyche or physical state is done.