Health and dis-ease

I am on the sidelines watching 2 divorces play out.  One is the neighbors across the street; the other is a child of a dear friend.  I feel bad for the friend – her immediate nuclear family had been untouched by this challenge and it goes hard for her.  The neighbor’s case, I’m sorry, annoys me. 

I have endured a divorce which was nasty for much of the time.  I do not relish re-experiencing divorce vicariously.  Regardless of the wrongs which ultimately may be righted by the re-arrangement of the parties, the experience of the divorce process can be detrimental to one’s health.

Of the many bits of advice in the plethora of self-help-during-divorce books I read, one bit of information that stuck with me was the difference in “timelines” that the parties have.  The “dumper” is about 18 months ahead of the “dumpee,” according to the experts.   They say that the dumper has struggled with the issues and come to the conclusion that there is NO hope to resolve major problems. On the other hand, the dumpee is aware of problems but feels that this is just a rough patch and has every expectation that they will get through it. Therefore, when one person declares it is all over, the other is blindsided.

This may be a pillar in my Rx for a very healthy life.  At the very least, I think a good “lying in,” as my British friends would say, once a week can do a great deal of good.  Most Americans who work full-time [this includes full-time stay-at-home parents] do not get enough sleep.  A once a week catch-up could be a necessity, rather than an indulgence.  Of course, when the work week resumes one then has the challenge of returning to the before-dawn wake up time after luxuriating in dreamland for a few extra hours.  However, I feel that the benefits gained to one’s health and well-being far outweigh the readjustment “shock.”

It is horrifically sad that a father reportedly killed his two-and-a-half-year-old son because he owed $4,000 of child support.

The atrociousness of this murder is exponentially compounded by the fact that this is not a novel event.  Each year parents, step-parents, babysitters, foster parents, and grandparents are found guilty of willful or negligent murder of children in their care.

Where is the country’s value system?  Why do we test people to see if they can correctly cut hair or draft a deed, but we totally “trust” something – I don’t know what – to insure that a wee human being will be nourished, nurtured, and protected by his parents.  What insanity!

The biological capacity to make a baby does NOT automatically endow the parents with the skills to raise it.   One may counter that there are mandated reporters to watch for abuse and then agencies in place to intervene, should it be deemed necessary.  If one further attempts to assert that these adequately manage the problem, this is not so.

Pre-parental training and testing is overdue.

Anyone who has worked with urban children – sorry, but the generalization holds true – has certainly seen examples of children not being treated well at home.  It happens in the suburbs, to be sure, but there, families make supreme efforts to cover it up.  I maintain that the most important “parent work” happens from birth to age four or five.  Therefore, by the time the children get to kindergarten in public school, if poor parenting existed, then profuse damage has resulted.

The sin may be one of commission, but more frequently is that of omission.  Neglect.  Failure to act.  Examples include failure to talk to the child, to teach him or her language.  Failure to take the child for routine health and dental exams.  Failure to raise her in a safe environment – free from noxious insects, vermin, filth.  Failure to provide consistency in correction or in personal security.  Failure to provide clean clothing.  Stimulation.  Enough sleep.  Running water, heat, and working plumbing.  Much of these situations exist despite available remedies through public assistance and human service programs.

I am not referring to rural Appalachia in the United States.  No, I am referring to almost every city with a measurable population in poverty and more deviously in the suburbs.  If this is difficult to accept, check the local city codes department for the sorts of violations cited in inhabited urban dwellings.  When it happens in the suburbs, excuses or reasons will be offered.  However, wherever it occurs, the damage to a child’s psyche or physical state is done.