Health and dis-ease

I am on the sidelines watching 2 divorces play out.  One is the neighbors across the street; the other is a child of a dear friend.  I feel bad for the friend – her immediate nuclear family had been untouched by this challenge and it goes hard for her.  The neighbor’s case, I’m sorry, annoys me. 

I have endured a divorce which was nasty for much of the time.  I do not relish re-experiencing divorce vicariously.  Regardless of the wrongs which ultimately may be righted by the re-arrangement of the parties, the experience of the divorce process can be detrimental to one’s health.

Of the many bits of advice in the plethora of self-help-during-divorce books I read, one bit of information that stuck with me was the difference in “timelines” that the parties have.  The “dumper” is about 18 months ahead of the “dumpee,” according to the experts.   They say that the dumper has struggled with the issues and come to the conclusion that there is NO hope to resolve major problems. On the other hand, the dumpee is aware of problems but feels that this is just a rough patch and has every expectation that they will get through it. Therefore, when one person declares it is all over, the other is blindsided.